i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
