My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
