I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
