Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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