Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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