I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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