So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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