I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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