I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
