oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
