I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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