yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
