I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
