so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
