Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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