Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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