so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
