Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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