So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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