sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
