He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
