in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You ate ashes out of my bong
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
