I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
