So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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