i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
