i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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