Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
