As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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