A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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