I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
