I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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