I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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