guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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