He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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