Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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