just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
