you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
