The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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