Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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