At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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