Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He passed out mid-signature
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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