Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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