Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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