This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
