The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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