I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
