Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
