Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
