Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
