I want to walk on stilts...naked
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
