I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
