He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
