1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
