is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
