Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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