I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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