did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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