life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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