If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
