i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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