I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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