took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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