bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
