I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
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6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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