I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
