I molested 6 butterflies tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
