I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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