I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
