Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
