I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
