I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
