No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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