corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
