he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize