were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
