he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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