I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
