Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
