It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
