I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
