Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The air taste purple.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
